“I am Light. I am Bliss.”
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In this article, I will share my experiences of light and bliss. Below I quote verbatim, my experience as I extracted from my journal, save for some editorial spelling and grammar corrections. These experiences gave me a glimpse into my true expansive self. Mind you that these experiences (including the previously discussed experience “Is This Kundalini?”) occured about three (3) years ago. My consciousness is more expansive now than it was then. At the end of the article, I also give an interpretation to these experiences under my present realizations of who I am.
October 2004 — Friday — 10/22/2004 — Issaquah — Spiritual Journal Entry
Amazing thing happened last night (Thursday, October 21, 2004). Every night my son insists that I put him to bed. So, I put him to bed around 9:30 pm and as usual I went off to sleep. I woke up around 12:20 am and could not go back to sleep. So, I got up and went to the computer to surf the net and do some work on my PDA. I felt a bit tired around 2:30 am and I came back to bed.
I lied down in bed still unable to go to sleep, but tired. I started thinking about pranic healing course that I am going to take on November 6th and 7th and how I wanted to become an energy healer. I started visualizing how I was helping people out of difficult ailments, how I was working only 20-25 hours a week and making enough money take care of my family, and how I was spending the rest of my time in writing about what matters, in life and spiritual matters and helping people. As I thought about these with closed eyes, I started to see these colored geometric patterns. They were not flat 2D, but deeply 3D multicolored. I don’t know, whether I went off to sleep or still visualizing at this point—I could’t say. Suddenly, I found myself in a field with lot of greenery. I realized, at the same time, that I was lying down in my bed. I was walking in this lush green field, when suddenly white fluid light started moving in my spine with such a roar that it through me off balance. At this point, I didn’t know if I was asleep or awake. It all seemed so real. The roar was so loud that if I had heard that roar with my physical ears I would have been deafened, and the light was so bright that if I had seen it with my physical eyes I would have been blinded. But, in my mind’s eye and ear, this light was very blissful, the roar enjoyable. This light came up almost to the point of my solar plexus, when I felt a slight fear. But, something or someone inside told me to not be afraid. The voice said, “Remember, this is the same as what happened to you during your meditation. You were afraid then, but no need to be afraid now. Just surrender.” (See my June 11, 2004 entry, “Is This Kundalini?”) With that I said, “I surrender.” I clearly remember adjusting myself in my bed, so my spine was straight, and at the same time I sat on a bench in the green field in my dream (vision) and just surrendered to the experience. With that the liquid light went through my spine uninhibited with such a roar, I cannot put the experience in words. It went up and up quickly and entered the lower part of my brain and then suddenly shot up. At this point my body sitting on the bench, in my dream, just exploded into pieces each piece becoming pure light. At the same time I lost sense of my physical body lying in bed. It is now all light, pure light of millions of suns shining white and bright. It is so blissful. This is when I experienced, “I am light. I am bliss.” I don’t know how long it lasted—may be a few seconds or minutes. I found myself partially awake with a big smile on my face. The light had disappeared. In a few seconds after that I fell into deep sleep.
I don’t know if this really happened. Even if it happened only in the dream, still I cannot forget this experience.
After yesterday’s experience, I find there is a constant flow up my spine, kind of a tickle. As I am writing this, the crawling sensation in my brain is increasing and making me close my eyes. It is giving me a kind of joy I can’t describe.
It is still taking me time to assimilate this experience into my life.
My Interpretation Of These Experiences After Three Years
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, these experiences occurred three (3) years ago and my current realizations are much different from then. My current realization is that there is nothing outside of me. Everything is in me and I am in everything. Under this realization, I interpret this experience as,
A massive portion of my brain suddenly became active and let the higher vibratory consciousness of myself to well up. My brain perceived those higher frequencies as brilliant three dimensional geometric patterns, pure brilliant light and roaring sound of a waterfall. Constant flow of blissful sensations in my spine and sensitivity to energy are an indication that a part of those neurons that became suddenly active remained active, and subsidence of the brilliant light and reduction in the intensity of the sound are an indication that the remaining portions of those neurons, that suddenly became active, became dormant again.
Table of contents for Desika’s Journal
- Is This Kundalini?
- “I am Light. I am Bliss.”
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August 27th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Hi Desika,
Isn’t that light the most beautiful light you have ever seen. It is the whitest light imaginable. I see it in my mind’s eye and I always hesitate to look at it as the first instinct is that it will certainly blind me. Thankfully the mind’s eye is not blinded because this light is really wonderful — I simply call it the radiation of the Lord.
Great article — thanks for sharing your experiences.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Hi Anmol,
Yes, it is the most brilliant and whitest of white light I have ever known. I have never seen such light in the physical world. After that I never sought after that experience again, since that would become an attachment and a hindrance for further progress. So, I never had that particular experience again, though I constantly hear the nAda as a high pitched ‘eee’ above my ears and surrounding my crown area. I can always tune it out, if I did not want to hear it, but why would I not want to.
Thanks a lot for your feedback.
-Desika
August 30th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Greetings Desika,
This is a great story! Activating higher portions of the brain is always exciting.
Anmol- the radiation of the Lord is all around us, don’t ya think?
August 30th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Krishan,
No doubt my friend, emanating from the substratum upon which then this dance of existence takes place. Always great to catch the Big Guy in action
August 31st, 2007 at 7:52 am
Hi Krishan and Anmol,
Thanks for the comments. My realization is that the purpose of all spiritual practices is to activate the brain fully, so that the Pure Consciousness/God/Lord/Brahman (which is the true “us”) can express through this manifest form fully and experience its own creation. That brilliant light is that of the Lord within all of us. What do you think?
-Desika
August 31st, 2007 at 8:31 am
Interesting,
I do believe that spiritual practice can be done without a brain, for when we leave this body we find consciousness on another level.
That being said, regarding Pure Consciousness expressing itself through form, I do believe this is a process of evolution, and thus yes part of the spiritual journey.
August 31st, 2007 at 9:37 am
Hi Krishan,
Without the body (and hence the brain) it is not possible to attain enlightenment. Until one knows that one is bound, one will not know the importance of freedom. Question is who is it that attains enlightenment? Pure consciousness is already that. If so, then who or what is it that attains enlightenment?
There is a reason, why a particular order of practice is given in Yoga. First Asanas are performed to refine the body and brain to increase their vibratory rate, so that the body can withstand the high intensity electrical currents generated by the brain when one later picks up Pranayama, Dhyana and Dharana. Yamas and Niyamas are therefore important along with Asanas to increase the vibratory rate of the body and mind.
In ancient times, a student was only asked to do Yama, Niyama and Asana for a very long period of time. Then, only one Pranayama and/or meditation technique was taught which the student diligently practiced for years before he was taught another. Because of this practice the body was very refined and rising of the Kundalini energy was unimpeded and blissful. But, now a days all the techniques are taught together without very clear explanation of why each one is needed, and we see more and more abrupt awakenings and problems.
Thanks,
Desika
August 31st, 2007 at 10:49 am
Hey Desika,
I was simply noting that spiritual practices can be done when out of physical manifestation. I agree the path for enlightenment leads through Man, especially from our perspective and smaller.
I suspect in ancient times people would spend life times practicing just one Yama or Niyama. There is an entire religion with Ahimsa central to their belief.
great insights here!
August 31st, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Hey Krishan,
I also have another question, “Who or what is it that manifests in the physical form?”
You are right that people spent a lot of time practicing one aspect, and the life was not as materialistic and fast paced as today. I believe there are still some schools that teach only one technique at a time. The student is taught the next technique only after the teacher is satisfied with the execution of the previous technique.
I am enjoying this discussion. Keep them coming.
-Desika
August 31st, 2007 at 1:16 pm
One could say the causal body, yet even that container is impermanent.
And so we would need to take our view up to the divine spark, which is connected to the Soul.
As above so below
makes you wonder how the internet is put together…
August 31st, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Hi Krishan,
I agree with you. As above so below. As Inside so outside. Everything is interconnected and the internet is probably a physical (or is it virtual?) example of that connection. I think it is only a matter of time before science will invent equipment that will measure this energetic interconnection of all beings.
Thanks a lot for sharing.
-Desika
September 3rd, 2007 at 3:39 pm
[…] Desika Nadadur shares his kundalini experience in I am Light, I am Bliss. Which raises some interesting questions and discussions about awakening the latent areas of […]